Friday, August 24, 2007

Things to Ponder...

(From my uncle to my hubby to me...)

  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
  • Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
  • A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
  • For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
  • A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
  • Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
  • Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
  • No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
  • Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
  • Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
  • Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
  • By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  • Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  • Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
  • It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
  • If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
  • There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  • You should not confuse your career with your life.
  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant until she tells you.
  • There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.
  • Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
  • How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

2 comments:

The Homeschool and Etc. Blog said...

LOL Time for me to buy a bigger fridge, I guess...

Mrs. C

Natural Birth Advocacy said...

Oh that was wonderful! I needed a good laugh today. : )

Hope you're doing well!

Christy