So the baby and I had an interesting day yesterday. It seemed to be a day of heavenly reminders.
At my work there is limited parking. Up front is all assigned and most of the guys park on the side of the building. Most of the time I'm lucky enough to get the last spot, which is closest to the office door. Yesterday was not one of those days and I had to park in the way back where the service trucks are left.
Work went fine and at the end of the day Patty seemed to be rushed to leave. Patty is our office manager and is the one to lock up the building at the end of the day.
I grabbed my stuff and headed for my car. I thought of telling her I was parked in the way back, but decided not to. I got to my car and pulled into the alley to leave and saw the gate was closed and locked so I honked a few times thinking Patty might hear me to come unlock it. By the time I reached the gate and got out to look she was gone.
"That's ok. I'll just make a few calls and she'll come back." So I searched my purse and to my dismay, couldn't find my phone. "Today WOULD be the day I forget the phone in the office."
At that point I felt all hope of getting out slip away. I checked the doors all around the building - locked. I yelled at some random guy who drove by in the front - nothing. "I'm going to be stuck here ALL day!" I couldn't help but let the tears roll. I was alone and had no way of getting out. I couldn't climb the fence being 5 months pregnant!
Then it hit me - I haven't been reading my Bible and spending time with God. What a perfect way to get my attention. Still, I found it less than amusing. I sat there remembering an old message from our college pastor, Chris Brown, on the disciples crossing the sea during a storm. Jesus was asleep during their time of panic. They woke him up freaking out...wrong response. Chris saw it as a test of faith. The response should have been something along the lines of strapping themselves to the boat, praying and yelling, "I don't know how He's going to get us out of this, maybe raise us from the dead, but I know he will!"
I also thought of the story of the man who was obedient to God in random and ridiculous things. God told him to buy milk, where to drive and which door to knock on. The whole time he felt ridiculous, but when the man opened the door and explained their baby had been crying and needed to be fed, he knew God had used him.
So I sat there waiting. I half pictured God sending some random person to the gate who had a cell phone. People kept driving by...I cried.
Soon, a work truck pulled up in front of our office. The first guy got out and didn't hear me. The second guy got out and I yelled, "Excuse me! Do you have a phone?!" He heard me, but didn't seem to understand what I was saying. He came closer each time I repeated my question. As he got closer I noticed he was Mexican. "Un telefono?" He understood. His response was that he didn't have one, but could go back to the office and bring me one.
So I waited.
Now, if any of you know me, I'm not the most patient person. All my life I've tried, and mostly succeeded at, doing everything for myself. Being pregnant I didn't know what I COULD do. I sat in my car and grew impatient as the gentleman didn't come back soon enough. I got out and thought again that I couldn't scale the fence. I looked down and noticed there was a gap under the fence! Thus began my escape...
I got on my back and eased my way out. Half way through - when the bar met the belly - I continued to pull. I felt the bar pulling on my baby. There was a dip where the water goes during rain so I moved over and made my way out. I was free! Without a car! And I feared I hurt my baby...
I checked the business to the right and they were closed. I made my way to the business on the left and found they were still there. I went in. Around the corner I found the man who told me he'd get help. He pointed at me to say I was who he was talking about. I asked if I could use the phone. The lady didn't understand why. As I explained tears ran down my face. I blurted out something to the effect of, "they locked me in next door and I had to climb under the fence and I'm afraid because it pushed on my baby."
The lady showed me where the phone was and how to use it. She was very concerned and assured me that I'd be fine. She handed me tissue as I called my mommy. The house phone kept ringing, which is strange as they have an answering machine. I called her cell and heard her getting off the other phone. The story poured out of my mouth as tears poured from my eyes. My mom didn't have Patty's number, but my dad may. She kept stating that she'd come down and wanted to be here for me. I just need to get my car out.
She had the number there on her cell and said she'd call back and let me know what's going on. The lady of the office, Cheryl, told me to sit down and asked me to better explain what happened. I told her I parked in the back and as I came out I found the gate was locked. She asked if it was a fence that could simply pop off. Strange question. I had no idea. One of their guys went to check and came back letting us know it was able to pop off.
Cheryl explained that they were a fencing company - it's what they do. They could pop it off and put it back as if nothing happened...
It was about this time I could hear God telling me, "I told you I'd take care of you. I love you. Why do you doubt?"
She convinced me to call my mom and let her know everything was fine. I started out for my car. Cheryl told me to stay calm and not to run, just take my time. By the time I reached the gate the guys had popped it out and I was able to get my car. I thanked them before reaching my car.
On my way home I continued between moments of mourning and moments of peace. I had my favorite worship CD with David Crowder Band, Chris Tomlin, and Casting Crowns in the player. Thoughts ran through my head as my baby began doing his aerobics. I kept thinking, "what if...?" In between thoughts I would hear lyrics of God being there to give peace in sorrow. God is looking after my baby and forming him in my womb...just as He's done and is doing for me.
Still, my soul was grieved. How could I be so faithless? Why didn't I just wait for the man to come back instead of taking risks? Why do I feel I have to do it on my own and not trust my Maker?
I decided to go straight home instead of to the market as planned. As I pulled up I couldn't find my gate remote to get in. My first thought was, "what a great addition to my day!" but before I could finish the thought, the gate opened. Just another reminder of God's love and my foolishness.
A few minutes after I arrived my husband came home. I lost my composure and cried as he held me. He was perfect. His phone rang and he completely ignored it. When I finally calmed down I explained what happened. Out of nowhere I asked if he was mad at me. No. He seemed extremely composed. He asked how the baby was and if I had bled. The baby's moving just as much as ever and no.
He asked if I wanted to pray for the baby. Of course! We thanked God that I was fine and he asked for continued coverage and healing in the baby.
After talking a while he checked his phone. It was my parents. He called my mom back and let her know everything was fine. I guess she and my dad had called him and so he knew what happened before he got home. My dad even said something about my being afraid for the baby.
Big Red ensured my mom that the baby was fine. As he was on the phone I sat next to him on the couch. When he got off he laid his head on my chest and we just held each other. After a while I asked what he was thinking. "I'm thinking of asking your dad for a key or you're not working." Awe!
I was wiped out from crying so much so Big Red convinced me to lay down. I couldn't sleep so I wrote in my pregnancy journal as Big Red came in and went through the mail while laying on the bed. It was so comforting having him by me.
Through all of yesterday's events, it's hard to take in how faithful God is. I continued to doubt His hand in my situations and He continued to give obvious evidence that He was taking care of me. I'm reminded of all the times I've read Israel's stories and how foolish I thought them to doubt God's provision and guidance. God lead them out of Egypt and gave them food and yet they complained at every turn. Reading those stories made me think, "what idiots for not trusting! God has been providing this WHOLE time and they continue to complain and seek other gods!"
Well, yesterday was a reminder that I'm not perfect. I was tested and my faith failed miserably. How often I desire to have the faith Chris Brown talked about, knowing that no matter the circumstances that God will see me through it...and if not - it's not about me.
Throughout this pregnancy I've been distracted. I've told fallen people that God sometimes has to put you on your back so that all you can see is the one thing you've needed - Him. That's where I was yesterday...crawling on my back.
Please pray God will speak and that I'll have the patience and ears to hear and listen. I'm tired of trying to figure things out on my own...things that don't have plenty of research and no definite answers.
Lord, thank you for Your jealousy and for intervening in my life and making Your faithfulness known. Thank you for always providing and protecting. Help me rely on Your ways and knowledge and not my own. Continue to protect and form our baby and our hearts. Thank you for drawing us near. Make us faithful. In Jesus' name, amen.